You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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