fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
