You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize