I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
