garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We smell like vodka and hangover
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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