who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i came on her dog
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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