Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
