Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
