What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
