Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
