somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
