tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was confusing and full of hummus
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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