there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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