yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
