I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
