I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
