last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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