He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We need to get me chipped asap
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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