quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
