youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
