I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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