Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
wow bdsm is so cute
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
