Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
