Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Duck Duck Cougar?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
