My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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