i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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