making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
