My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
