hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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