Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize