I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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