if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
