i would punch a child for taco bell
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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