I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
only you would photoshop your dick
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
