Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
