she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
