I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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