i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We left an ass print on the piano.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
