Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
