Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Floor bacon is actually really good
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
