Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
