I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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