He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
