this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
