I molested 6 butterflies tonight
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
