i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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