I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
