just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
