Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
