Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
