tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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