So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
BRING THE BAGELS
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
