I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
