we're chasing vodka with high fives
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize