The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
