Have you finally orgasmed yet?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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