woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
