Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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