tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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