just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
