it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
