my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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