I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize