So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
