oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
