Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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