I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
