She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize