I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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