They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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