That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
