His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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