the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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