we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
