one word: firstdatebathroomanal
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize