youre lurking in front of me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
