hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
