Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
