TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
