I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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