Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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