dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
