I wish I could teleport
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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