As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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