She said her name was "party"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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