if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
do nipples grow back?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
