2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
