my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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