maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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