you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
