hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
