why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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