first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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