Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Are we still banned from the library?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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