what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
