I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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