I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
