Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
