just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
