I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
