I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
