we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i came on her dog
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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