I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
