Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
