my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
