I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
