im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I smell stomach acid.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
