I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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