I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
