my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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