Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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