so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
