I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
