I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize