Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
