My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
